I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
