so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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