So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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