My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
