This is not my ceiling
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
