it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
