So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
