I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
