There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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