nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
