Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
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He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks