hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED