so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff