I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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