she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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