So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
