I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you had me at cake vodka
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
