I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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