we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
