Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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