I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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