dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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