I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
