It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
