Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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