My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
