He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
