I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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