i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
