the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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