The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
