is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
