it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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