so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
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after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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