Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
