One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like eating out sand paper
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
