I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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