I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
