Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
