i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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