She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
