I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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