Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
