booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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