Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
