We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
