There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
