she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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