Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
