Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize