some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
