I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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