ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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