I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
