none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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