How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
