so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
