Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
