I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I touched a dick in church today
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
