drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
