12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
