Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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