I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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