Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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