I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
