you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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