when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
