Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
